Monday, April 14, 2014

It’s crazy stupid how sometimes (or always?) one text message can make a huge difference. I’m usually the type who thinks about a text I’m about to send, whether I sound too eager or too serious or too uninterested. An emoticon, a ‘haha’ filler or even a tiny little period can mean so differently. But you know, we all get those really bad days when you don’t mean to sound the way you initially intended or, at the very least, purposefully channel your frustration to an innocent person who just happens to text you when you’re not in the proper or sane mood. Don’t you just hate those regret moments? When you’d want to take back what you just said but you can’t because your message was already sent? In my stupid attempt to ‘stop’ the process, I turned off my phone only to realize that when I turn it on again, the message tries to send again. Good job self. So let me just give a huge ‘OH WELL’.

Right now, I’m on a dilemma whether I should text an apology or just sleep on it. Should I? Because that sounds like overdoing it. And I should've learned by now that an apology isn't really valid if it's sent over text. Nothing's ever really legitimate if it's said via text message.

Maybe I’ll watch the 2nd episode of GoT. I accidentally saw really juicy spoilers over at Huffington Post which I regret seeing.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

After one month into 3rd year of med school, I find myself completely lost. I’ve been denying it for weeks now, thinking maybe I’m just not mastering the correct study habits or maybe my mind’s still too preoccupied from summer. After 4 weeks, I’m already struggling to catch up on my exams. Seriously, this isn’t another I’m-so-grade-conscious post. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I try to stay up late every night to study for my exams but I just can’t seem to do well in most of them.

I’ve been contemplating and I realize I feel like I’m missing out on a very important detail. Like I’m not functioning all too well ‘cause I’m missing a part of my machine. I know everyone feels like that sometimes, but is it possible to feel like this for most of the day? I mean, sure I can go on doing my daily activities, but at the end of the day, when I come home, everything just feels like I let the day pass by me. Ugh, how do I explain this? I think, what I’m really trying to say is, I feel unhappy. With myself. With my present situation. With my behaviour. With my goals.

A part of this comes from the fact that I really don’t have much friends in school right now. I have my solid group of friends, but aside from them, I just feel so disconnected with everyone else. I used to think that UST isn’t a place for people wanting to meet different kinds of people, given the one class-one classroom set-up the school has. But in a class of more than 100 students, how come I only have a handful with whom I confide with deeply? There must be something wrong with how I present myself to others right?

I want to change myself, to be the better person, but somehow, it’s been a month-long struggle. When people already have this set of emotions, reactions, behaviour attributed to you in their head, it just seems so difficult to go beyond it. Everything I do just seems unreal or unlike me, as they say. But what if I don’t like who I am right now? How can I improve myself when I can’t even be given the benefit of doubt to try to be better, to be good at the very least.

Sometimes I hate myself for not getting past these intermittent emotional crises; it just feels like I never mature. I want to get past all of this, to move on and to be able to feel something again and to have something to look forward to at the end of the day. 

Monday, May 6, 2013

Do or Dye, Tie-Dye

Tonight was activity night! My siblings and I had enough energy left for the day to have our very own tie-dye night. There’s something about tie-dye that usually reminds me of summer. But then again it also reminds me of dusters my mom (and fine, me too) usually wears at night. But it’s colorful and fun and bright and happy and high, so who can say no to do that, right? And yes, I was diligent enough to take pictures of the step by step-ish process of a DIY-ed tie-dyed shirt/sando.

First, make sure you have the following:
Old plastic basins/tabo/microwaveable containers that are too opaque to be even used for food. Use those, since the dye might stain on your container.


 DYE, but get these ones. In Batangas, we call them jubos, I don’t know if they’re called the same if you buy them at National Bookstore. Haha. But I think, the local bookstores don’t sell this brand, but something like Sunshine or Venus? Don’t get those, they don’t stain as well as these babies do. If you want to get the real thing, come by our store in Batangas and ask for jubos. It’s priced at four pesos per envelope and one envelope’s already enough to fill a whole tub of ice cream. Cheap di ba?



You’ll also need rock salt. My brother said they help hasten the dye-ing part, I don’t know how salt does that, so just do it anyway. A pinch of salt per tub of color should do it.

Warm water to dissolve the dye, since dye comes in powder in case you’re too sosyal to know that. It’s like water color, but not paste-like in consistency.

Rubber bands to keep your shirt in place while you pour the dye on the shirt. And your white shirt. I got my dad’s old sando he usually wears to sleep for my trial run. I think white works best for tie-dye, since as you’ll see later, using darker colored shirts doesn’t really bring out the true joy tie-dye secretly brings.

Okay, let’s go.

So in a tub of warm to lukewarm water, dissolve a sachet of your preferred dye. Add just a pinch of salt and continue to stir until everything has dissolved. Leave your dyes to cool for a while. You can use as many colors as you want. I don’t believe in limiting yourself to just 2 or 3. And another plus point to my jubos is how cool the colors start to mix together, like you’re creating a whole new color from the color wheel. Amuuhzing!

Lay down your shirt flat on the ground and start a circling motion from the center of your shirt, as if you’re making a whirlpool out of it. Do this until the whole shirt is twirled into a circle. Fasten the shirt with two rubber bands. Make sure it’s still flat. The rubber bands would keep your shirt from getting untangled.





And do the crazy! Go as wild as you want, mixing any colors wherever you want. Or be organized and pour the dye inward to outward. It’s up to you! Just make sure you pour the dye on BOTH sides of the shirt, ventral and dorsal okay. Otherwise, your tie-dye shirt would be no tie-dye. Also, be extra extra generous in pouring the liquid on the shirt. Don’t leave out any white spots like I did, otherwise you’ll end up with a undernourished tie-dye like mine.







When you’re done, just remove the rubber bands and voila! Easy, right?

You can only guess which one's mine huhu tie-dye fail 

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Forever

One of my very very good friends since high school just got engaged today. Not necessarily the first one I know to get engaged, but the first from my own circle of friends. This is the friend I've talked countlessly about dream boys, dream weddings, dream proposals and happy ever afters. To see her move to another country and to a new timezone and unexpectedly found her soulmate is, forgive the cheese, inspiring. She's one of the bravest girls I've met in my life and you know, a real fighter, not like other girls and boys who think they know what they want and "try" to get there but eventually end up crawling back to their mommies and daddies. This one's a fighter, and people who are courageous, I think, deserve to be rewarded. I'm not writing this to make pa-goody goody with you Joycie, I just think people should know how much you can inspire not just your friends (coz really, a lot of us are), but also wandering strangers to just go for it, whatever it is we're itching to go for.

I guess this also serves as a reminder for me that we truly are getting older. Things are getting shit real okay. I mean, marriage? Oh God. Not that I don't want it okay, I do, I really do. Next to not having any kids and not ending up as a good doctor, being alone for the rest of my life would be a huge nightmare. I remember having a conversation with my friend earlier this year how, at this point in my life, you don't really want those met-up-in-a-bar kind of relationships. Not that I judge people who still go for those things, but it's just that being in med school, makes me value time so so much and how much (I think) I have so little of it. I want the real thing, yo. Yo? Haha. But seriously, one time big time na ako this time. I probably shouldn't have said that since I know how much boys can get scared off by that mentality, but what the heck, bahala kayo. Seryoso na.

But a serious relationship entails a serious state of mind. Do I have that? Mebbe not yet. Another friend said judging a potential guy by his taste in shoes, music and hairstyle isn't a good sign of a girl who's on the lookout for a serious relationship. Shallow, that's what my friend said. That S word has been in my forehead for a really long time now, okay. Is it really shallow? Can I not sift through choices (choices, chos) by critiquing their shoes? Pwede naman di ba? Taste goes a long way you know, just like first impressions, which I happen to remember very very accurately.

So maybeee I'm not on the same level as Joyce and Chris are in right now in their lives. I probably don't have that idea of for better and for worse concretely defined inside my head. Soon, like 3 years maybe? No pressure right?

Cheers to your forever, my love! Your love story is just getting better and much sweeter. :)

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Summer Shmummer

There has to be more than this. Not an emo-I-use-got-my-heart-broken post. Just saying. Haha. Sorry. I really don't wish to write a year's worth of posts with a rant. But then again, it wouldn't be me if i didn't, right? So I guess I'm not sorry.

 Okay, to be perfectly honest, the only reason why I am back here typing is because I got sick of browsing through my Facebook feed and seeing all my friends going around the world and posting all their wonderful pictures. I sound selfish I know. Am I alone here? Am I the only one who actually feels envious that people my age are off wandering the continents while I'm here, sulking in my, shall I say, misfortune? Too harsh of a word, but right now, it sure feels like that. I mean, I don't even claim myself to be on vacation.

 You see, I wake up 0530 for my morning jog since I have to be at work by 0800. By work, I meant helping out in our small family business. And for 10 hours of the day, I'm there, toasting in the hot provincial sun, counting change, counting diaper boxes, counting the hours until it's time to close and go home. Relaxation at night after a long day of work meant going to the local SM. It's funny how sometimes the idea of going to the mall seems "nakakaumay" (bland, is it?) to me already. Every freakin' night, I'm there like it's my backyard. The day ends around 2300 and I get to allow myself to have more than six hours of sleep, which to me is the only luxury I'm enjoying this summer. And then the cycle just goes on.

I envy a lot of people actually. Every teacher would tell me that to be jealous of others is a great sin. Uhh yes, envy is a grave sin, but so is eating McDonald's large fries with lots and lots of ketchup (I don't really eat it with ketchup though, just proving a point). So help me God for sinning this much summer. Is it so bad to ask for a day-off? Our yaya's get to have one, why can't I have one too? I mean, just the idea of getting bored and running out of things to do for the day makes me green with envy. Posting on Facebook or Twitter, "bored out of mind" or "when boredom strikes [selfie]", how does that feel??? I mean, not the selfie part because I judge people who do that. But kinda crazy, right? Normal people have that kind of life! I can count with my fingers when I have had those kind of days.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Elorde Boxing Gym Taft

Yaaaay! I am happy to say that I finally have one thing to tick off my 25 (although it's still at 10 right now) things before 25 list.

Just a few days ago, I have decided to enroll myself to the gym. Well, not really the usual gym with proper airconditioning and weights and the whole shiz, but a boxing gym! In between the Tropical Hut building and the white building of CSB is the building where Elorde Boxing Gym stands. It's located at the fourth floor of the building, with Tokyo Tokyo at the ground floor and a huuuge internet cae on the second floor.

I was pretty anxious at first since I decided to enroll even I didn't have any of my friends ir my sister to join me. I figured, don't let the absence of company stop you from doing what you want. Ha! Good move right there. You see, apart from my increased desire to lose weight right now, I've been on this crazy complex of figuring out what I can possibly be good or at least trying out things that can possibly be a form of a hobby for me. My friends have always teased me that I have "heavy hands" or in Filipino, mabigat na kamay. From what I've understood, it meant that I have an easy tendency to "hurt" people by actually hitting them or slapping thrm or whatever. So I thought, sublimation!!! Sublimation if you can remember from your Psychology 101 classes is a defense mechanism which involves transforming an unacceptable behavior into something more positive, and so we arrive at boxing.

I had my first session last Thursday. It lasted for almost two hours. A usual routine, based on what I've read and what I've experienced, includes two rounds of  running, punching bag, hanging ball, speed ball, two-mitts, jump rope and ab workout. I actually can't remember specifically what you call those bags, but next time I go to the gym, I'll try to take a picture. Haha.

Mind you, I am no athlete. I probably don't have the stamina that my athletic friends have, so you must think that it was crazy of me to try boxing alone. It was! But it wasn't as complicated, for lack of term, as you think. The instructors were really nice and patient with me, even if I kept complaining on how challenging the jump rope was for me or how I can't really do sit-ups that fast. What makes boxing challenging for me is when you're doing drills beside someone who's really good. I swear, when I was doing the speed bag, which by the way is VERY hard I realize (Manny Pacquaio must be really good pala), there was this guy who kept throwing his punches at a very fast pace. Ang galing! I felt ashamed for myself for a while, but then I saw other beginners who were doing as badly as I was. Hahaha, so I guess that was okay.

I can't really say much and be like the authority of boxing in this blog when I've only been on one training session. But just to encourage you even more, let me tell you that all your anxiety and reservations about boxing and maybe about Elorde can be resolved if you try it yourself. The sweat after the routines just makes me feel so alive!  You'll love it, feeling mo talaga you're losing weight. Haha. 

Friday, October 26, 2012

Things I Have To Do

It has always been my greatest frustration to have a talent. I grew up thinking that every person should have at least one talent. People who can sing, people who can dance, people who can draw really well, people who can play sports, and people who can play instruments. Sadly, I am neither one of those people. I've always been scared of show-your-talent game or those type of games that require you to do something as a consequence, becuase duh, what do I have to show? Maybe that's why I was never made to join beuty pageants either. Chos. But seriously speaking, I really want to be good at something. You know, something legit like playing the piano or taking artsy fartsy, hipster-ish photos. Why why why, when God showered this world with talents, I was not blessed to have one when there are people out there, people like my friends, who have limitless talents???

It's not like I never tried. I mean, if talents cannot be given to me by nature, as my Psychology profs always, everything else is 50% nurture. When I was younger, I'd ask my parents if I join summer classes in school. I tried soooo many. Karate, Taekwondo, ballet, dancing workshops, but all ended up so badly that it felt like I was not meant for these things. I thought my talent could be my brain. Somehow, college made me feel like I can be the smart but no so pretty child of the family, but boom comes med school, and my "smartness" burned into ashes. And now, I feel like I'm back to my 7-year old self, insecure that I am not like my classmates who can play the guitar and can sing really well and can spell really really well.

I hope you don't take me for someone who gives up so quickly, because you see, I really am very open into trying new things. It's just that when you're in med school, studying takes up most of your time that you don't have the time nor the energy to do anything else. And in case you ever find the time, you use it scouring every stall in Mercato or sleeping off the weariness. It's becoming a cycle actually.

But this time around, I will not succumb. I have been contemplating long and hard today of the things that I want to do with my life. What is the use of my 20's of I don't use this period of my life to try the craziest and new things out there?

So I made a list. 25 things before 25. I actually haven't reached 25 things to do actually, but listing down everything has to be thought of meticulously. This time around, I have to take into consideration so many things like time, money, academic load and shiz. So anyway, here's the first 10 on my list.

1. Finish a 21K run
2. Climb a mountain
3. Bake a cake/cupcake/bread
4. Learn the basics of watercolor painting
5. Shoot in film
6. Make my own jewelry from scratch
7. Surf in La Union
8. Join a zumba class
9. Start going to the gym
10. Make my own blog template
11. Drive alone

I know, they all sound pretty simple enough to do right? But that's the point exactly. These things I listed a so do-able but at the same time, I ask myself why they are still on my to-do list? It's about time I take a few baby steps into actually transferring them from my to-do list to my already-done list. Promise, I have such list, one of which includes skinny dipping with friends. Haha.

I just hope that this list will not go unnoticed and that I will actually take it seriously. Inalso haveto remind myself to add 14 more items. Till then!