Friday, September 23, 2011


Let me tell you something about desensitization.

You know you’re desensitized when you don’t mind eating lunch in front of your cadaver while the rest of your groupmates examine the structures found in the internal heart or the lobes of the lungs.

You know you’re already desensitized when you get your major exam back, see that you failed by one or so points, and feel nothing, or something like “it’s time for lunch”.

You know you’re desensitized when you see this naked little girl walking along Tutuban while cars and jeepneys go bumper-to-bumper with each other.

You know you can no longer feel anything when you see a wall post by someone to someone on facebook and instinctively think that they’re probably dating now.

…okay, so maybe I’m not so desensitized by that last situation. But my point is, it kind of sucks when you reach that point in your life when you feel like you can’t feel anything anymore. Parang feeling a loss of whatever feeling you used to have, Maybe it can be likened to a writer losing his muse or his mojo or whatever.

They say it’s just a phase, this feeling-nothing feeling. I can’t quite explain it. I can’t exactly say that I don’t feel anything, I just feel bleh. I hate it. It sucks to not feel like you’re in your own body. Maybe I’m just PMS-ing or maybe because I’ve been listening to too much Adele for the past week, but whatever this is, God I hope it ends soon.

I can’t be depressed, can I? I forgot my abnormal psychology lectures that I can’t even properly give signs of depression. I have to look it up soon.

Ugh. I’m mumbling and not even making much sense. I mean, do you get it? Do you get those days that you just feel like you’ve been waking up on the wrong side every freakin’ day and you feel like the days go by so so so slowly, but at the same time, you also feel like you’re not having enough time to do everything? Stop mumbling, Mia.

This is going to be one sad sad post that I won’t even understand in a few months. I wish I won’t, because I don’t like this phase. I like my happy and giddy periods. Those are the better ones. 

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I like how my iPod plays the most fitting songs when I write. Right now, I'm listenng to Bob Dylan's Blowng in the Wind and somehow, I feel like it's telling me something. The answer is blowng in the wind daw oh. 


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Life's frustration right now: not being able to join Medical Missions Inc. 

I've mentioned in one of med school interviews before how I dreamt of working in the mountains or in far-flung areas and being a community doctor. And when I got introduced to MMI, I felt that this, this is the life I want! I want to do medical missions every weekend and meet fantabolous people from Visayas, Mindanao and barrios I've never heard of before. But here comes the big but(t). I also realize that I can't split my time (yet) between studying and joining orgs. It's not like college when I can have all the org time that I want. Frustrating, sobra

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It's med week next week, and I'm sort of heading our class's props committee. So when did I start becoming artsy? Haha, I have no idea. I can't even make these stupid rocks. 

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