Sunday, October 30, 2011

Brewing Thoughts


The family and I were having dinner earlier at this really nice restaurant called Casa Marikit in Lipa City when we noticed the waiters going up to the second floor of the restaurant to deliver three bouquets of roses for a lady sitting alone in the veranda. Trailing behind the waiters was this guy holding a single white rose with a ribbon tied on to the stem. From the looks of it, a proposal awaits.

I wonder how it feels like to be in that girl’s position, to sit unknowingly in that table, waiting for your boyfriend to arrive with a question in hand. Pretty tough I presume. I’ve never actually thought of my wedding to be honest. Like how or where it’ll be. Marriage has crossed my mind a number of times, but the actually wedding has always been a blur or was something I considered to be a surprise. What crossed my mind more often than marriage or weddings was the idea of being alone…forever. Haha. I think there is greater fear in ending up alone than having someone like Jonah Hill for a husband. But then again, I think I’d like Jonah Hill. He’s funny.

***

Two days ago, I got the chance to visit the public cemetery here in Batangas. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been to a public cemetery or if I’ve ever been to one. I’ve always been used to the vast green gardens of Eternal Gardens where the mausoleums look like real houses (even better sometimes) and where people go to have picnics and afternoon bike rides. Call me disrespectful or whatever but public cemeteries seem to miss the point why cemeteries even exist – to find a place for the dead where they can rest in peace. I understand that anything that’s public or government-owned is likely to be unmaintained, crowded, grimy and generally substandard, but maybe a part of me was hoping cemeteries could be an exception to this. The tombstones were like huge cobblestones that people step on to, as if no one’s buried under that stone. Most of the tombstones don’t even have names written on them to indicate who lies there. And while some do have well-written tombstones, they’re already covered with moss, dead leaves, dried tree branches, random trash and melted candles. I’m writing this down because it just looks disturbing to me, especially when I compare it to the ones I see in private cemeteries where there is enough space for each dead person to “breathe” or even roll around the grass or soil if they want to.

***

I want a tattoo. And maybe a dog too, but a tattoo seems more probable at this time. I’ve been scanning through Tumblr and found some great designs that I can probably tweak a bit to make them seem more personal.


I figured I can’t have the huge, dark looking ones since I don’t really enjoy seeing skulls or spiky vines on my skin. But then I was also contemplating if I should get a cutesy one like this bunny because getting something like this might just officially epitomize my pacute-ness. Ugh. I can’t be pacute forever. Pacute days must die and must not be seen in my future tattoos. What story will I tell my children about this bunny tattoo, that I was once (and probably still am) a pacute little girl? I wanted a watermelon, but it still looks childish right? It’s just that I’ve always associated that fruit with summer and I love the summer season. Mmm.

Must.Resist.Totoro :-<

I’m still thinking of something, anything that describes me or at least tells a story about me. I want my first to have a story, to have an epic tale behind it. Okay so maybe not so epic, but something really personal feel to it. So friends, help me! Help me with my story so I can get inked soon. I’m not sure why I want this, but I just I know I do.

As for the dog, I just watched Hachi: A Dog’s Tale and a dog really looked a great friend, a forever ally. It seems so comforting to go home every day with someone or something like that to greet you.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

I Met an Arab Boy


On my bus ride to Batangas earlier today, a little Arab boy sat beside me. I’m not entirely sure if he was really an Arab or if Arab is the right word to describe this certain group of people the way we call people from the Philippines Filipinos. So where do Arab people come from? Arabia? Wikipedia calls it Arab World and I laugh at this.

So anyway, this little boy beside me was probably five or six years old and was left to sit with me who is of course a complete stranger riding a bus to a province completely unfamiliar to this kid and to his parents. My first thought was, why the heck did his parents choose to sit together two rows behind their little boy and let their own child’s safety be “harmed” by a complete stranger? I mean, I have no intention to do anything with the Arab boy, but what if he sat beside a pedophile that can just run away with the kid buried inside the pedophile’s huge bag? Another thought running through my mind, are there Filipino pedophiles? I don’t think they have ever stereotyped Filipinos to be that type. Maybe child abusers, as in those who inflict physical abuse, but not playing with a kid for pleasure. Or maybe my memory isn’t just as clear as it should be right now, but I digress.

About the little boy… I was supposed to sleep for the rest of trip like I always do but decided that for this one ride, I’ll try to stay awake and observe this kid beside me. Because I sensed that he was also kind of interested in me by the way he always tried to look up at me when I’m staring out into the window or how he tries to touch my huge two-faced watch and my green earphones. At first, I wasn’t sure if I should be even talking to him since 1) I don’t speak Arab or whatever language he’s been mumbling the whole time and 2) I’m scared it’s some sort of culture of theirs not to talk to strangers (but this is quite a stupid rule if it did exist since it was his parents who initially made him sit beside me). But whatever, those long eyelashes, curly brown hair and beautiful, beautiful gray-green-golden-brown in the middle eyes got me and I decided it was time to play.

I have my Dunkin Donuts Chocolate Candy Sprinkle donuts to thank for helping me get through the little boy. 30 minutes into the bus ride, I offered him a donut which he refused with a shake of his head the way polite foreigners do. You know, how they would even close their eyes as they shake their heads as if they’re really sorry that they refused your offer. That kind of refusal, I see it in TV shows or when we go abroad. Or probably, I’m just being racist. When the initially boy refused my donut, I was not to take no for answer because I know no one, especially a kid, can say no to donut, ESPECIALLY those topped with sprinkles.  The next time I offered, he was pointing to his parents and was making this sleeping gesture and then he pointed to this tiny compartment in front of my seat. For some reason, regardless of the language barrier, I completely understood what he said or did.

He was signaling that we have to wait for his parents to fall asleep before he can eat the donut, and so while waiting, I hide the donut in the compartment. I was laughing when he did all this. Actually, we were both laughing, thinking we understood each other well. And so waited until his parents were fast asleep before he was able to enjoy his donut with sprinkles. It’s cute how he continuously glanced at his back to see if his parents are waking up, but they didn’t. I wiped some of the chocolate from his lips as he drinks some water from my bottle. I was instantly transformed into this little boy’s yaya.

I tried to do more improvising by nodding and laughing and sometimes even narrowing my eyes when he nudges me to say something I completely do not understand. And it’s weird how he actually responds to my gesture, as if I said the correct answer to his question or statement. He might’ve even thought that I actually get everything he’s saying. But I don’t, really.

I think this is what’s really amazing when you’re dealing with kids. You don’t have to talk to understand each other. Actions really do speak louder than words, and I actually mean this in the literal sense. At some point in our trying conversations, I think the boy was asking me what he should call me, and I make out that he was trying to say “friend”. Haha. Friend sounds too cheesy, doesn’t it? But just let this pass by thinking that he really was calling me a friend. Just so I can sound sentimental tonight. Haha.

I miss making friends with little kids and having them on my side, how they’d choose you as part of their team and then you’ll pick on someone uncool or weird. I liked doing that. And so I’ve been thinking about my specialization (since everyone I practically know who knows I’m in med school has been asking me this freakin’ question every freakin’ time). I think I’m going for pediatrics as my specialization, BUT BUT BUT I’m not stopping there. I want to focus either on pediatric oncology or pediatric nephrology or pediatric orthopedics. Go search what nephrology means. But this is just a thought. I just realized it’s better to work with kids than grown-ups who act like kids. And I don’t know, it’s just feels different when you make a child feel better than when you treat a grumpy middle-aged man. 

I waved the little kid goodbye when I get off at my stop. I think he's going to the beach. Buti pa siya. 

Friday, October 21, 2011

Odds In My Favor


I was writing something about the unfairness that was brought into this world and how it manifests itself even in the most mundane situations, but when I was reading through it just now, i feel like I can’t relate to these things as much as I thought I was when I started writing this particular entry a few weeks back. They all just seem shallow if not self-pitying. I wince at that thought of me going super emo. Eck. But I did manage to salvage some good points, such as this really uhh-duh epiphany about why so many things seem so unfair most of the time.

And so I quote myself, “I can only realize that things get unfair when i compare what I have to what another one has. Comparison seems to make everything unfair.” Does this sound too obvious? Am I the only one who actually understands now that the idea of anything being unfair or equal really just matters on who or what you compare yourself with? That maybe, say my logic is still working correctly, if people stop comparing more so contrasting themselves to someone higher or more inferior (or to anyone in general, really), then there’s probably a bigger chance of feeling really really happy, more room to feel that yes, you’ve done well my child. But then again, if this were highly feasible, there wouldn’t be a lot of people taking their own lives because they feel like they can never live up to other people’s (e.g. parents) expectations from them. So to compare thyself or not to compare?

If you think about it, not comparing seems like the best way to go, but just thinking about it bores me gravely. What do we make of the competition we’re all supposed to be part of? This struggle for survival that’s now been commonly translated into letters by so many authors (not that I’m complaining). And aside from competition, how can we possibly know if there’s something we can improve on if we don’t compare ourselves to our neighbors? Maybe not everyone will agree with me when I say this but I’m sure there are people who feel more satisfied if they know get a higher grade or a higher pay than that person they hate the most or despise at the very least. Here, the I’m-competing-against-myself card obviously can’t be played, because in all honesty, that statement just sounds to hypocritical to me. Haha.


Speaking of competition and the cruelty this world brings, I’ve just finished the first book of Suzanne Collins’ Hunger Games trilogy. And wow. Sure, the lines get too cheesy sometimes, but the rest of the book was just too exciting. This kind of stories and those characters like Katniss Everdeen or even Daenerys Targaryen from Game of Thrones make me want to be this crazy jungle girl who runs the world as if it’s her own crazy little jungle. Sadly though, the second book, Catching Fire doesn’t seem as hyped up as the first one since the actual games are over and I don’t think there’s really much to talk about when the whole point of the book (which is Hunger Games) was finished in the first installment. But I don’t know, I’ve only read a few pages of the second book, and I’m still waiting to be surprised.

I love how I'm having so much time to read the books I've been dying to read since the start of school. My goal for the next 2 weeks is to finish at least 5 books and try to buy new ones in case I exceed the quota. Hihi. Aaah, I love sembreak! And just to show you how much I do, I present to you my first. GIF! :) 

how do you make a gif
Thank you picasion :))

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Where Do My Pesoses Go?


For the past few days I’ve been checking multiple online groupon (group coupon for those who aren’t very familiar) sites. I know, I know. What is it with me and trying things out later than the rest of the world? Anyway. You can just imagine how excited I was to see that so many nail spas, beach getaways, lunch buffets, and international trips are discounted, with at least 50% off their original price! And malamang, I couldn’t pass up that chance to buy at least one coupon. You see, there are times when I am very meticulous (aka kuripot) with the things I buy, especially when it comes to the basics and sometimes, even with food. Some would say this is quite stupid; there’s supposedly this unspoken rule (well at least in fashion) that one is supposed to invest on the basics, on those things categorized as necessary. Under this list would be food, toiletries and whatever basic thing you might need.

I, on the other hand, have evolved to scrimp on these things. When doing my groceries, I’d most likely go for Cheezee over Cheez Whiz because the former is 5 or so pesos cheaper than the latter. My mom would hate it when I buy Eden over Kraft cheese. This is just an example; my point is, why would I spend so much on these basic necessities that I consume regularly when I can go cheap and use the extra money to give way to my luxuries, which would of course include clothes, shoes and books among other things. So in connection to my most recent purchase in cashcashpinoy, I’ve found a supposedly good deal that, from what I have stupidly understood, sells a pair of Keep shoes for only 300 pesos. So from 2000 pesos, they’re now priced at 300 pesos…supposedly.

The list of shoes that were included in the deal weren’t very pretty to be honest. I wouldn’t buy them if they were being sold for their original price, but since they were discounted, I told myself I might as well waste a few hundred pesos for a pair that I’d probably wear at least 3 times. And what do you know, after I deposited my 300 to the nearby bank and downloaded my voucher, I see this...


Have I been fooled? :( Or maybe I'm just not financially smart. Yeah, maybe I'm not.

Ang galling ko di ba. What I initially thought was a really good deal, was not a good deal at all. Or maybe, I just wasn’t thinking hard enough to know that duh, shoes like these really don’t go very cheap or that the shoes were originally priced at 3500 and the deal says 2000-peso discount. I realize I'm not very good with money deals or money matters in general. So there, I’m now thinking if I should still buy the shoes (which would now cost me around 1800 pesos) or just think that the 300 pesos I donated will be given to those who need it.

Another thing that’s got me sleeping late for the past few days was Multiply Marketplace. It’s so accessible! I’ve read about fashion bloggers raving about how it’s so efficient and fun, and believe me, they don’t lie. I saw this site that sells vintage glasses. I don’t even remember how I’ve come to the conclusion that I needed new glasses, but I ended up buying a pair. I mean, 650 pesos for vintage eyeglasses. That’s a pretty good purchase right? Right? 

I just hope my flat nose can pull this off. :| (photo from Paterno Eyewear)

Why do I have the feeling that most of the time, my desires overpower my superego self that I just end up on whatever it is I’m not supposed to end up with. Oh well, oh well. These groupon sites can be very good with their words.

However, just so I can save myself from admitting that I’m not really very good at handling money, I was able to drop by the Topshop/Topman mid-season sale this afternoon. Just so you know, I was never really the brand-conscious type. I was raised to think that a white shirt from Blue Corner (priced at 80 pesos) is just as good as a white from Fruit of the Loom (priced around 400 pesos). But I saw this really really pretty white dress that’s been discounted at 80% off that I just found lining up in front of the counter to buy it, not knowing where I’ll use it. But trust me, it was a really good deal! A legit one if I may add. And just before I was about to head home, I passed by Saizen and saw the widest racks of cheap mascara, eyeliners and lipsticks, all priced under a hundred pesos. I don’t know why this attracted me considering that I was never the make-up type either. Nice-to-know fact: I don’t know how to put on my own make-up. But I succumbed to the big 85-pesos-only sign and bought a really red lipstick. (Why do I even have to mention this.) I tried it when I got home, and, ayos brad. Haha.

At 21, I feel that I still haven’t learned the art of budgeting my money very well and knowing whether something’s worth purchasing or not. What would seem like a good buy to me isn’t a very smart move in the end. I need to learn how to manage my money. And just so you know, that alkansya that I so excitedly talked about a few posts back has long been abandoned. I only lasted for a month. Money, money, stop tempting me please. My mommy will get mad.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

A Very Long Winter


It feels like it’s been ages since I last wrote anything here or even in my thinking journal, but only to realize that it’s only nearly (is this grammatically correct?) been two weeks. Being in med school makes me feel like that days are longer.

Speaking of days, only a few more days until the end of what seems like my longest semester ever. To tell you the truth, it hasn’t been the most fulfilling or uplifting semester either. I’m at that point in my academic life that the only goal is to pass. I know, I really have an issue on not feeling adequate about anything, grades most especially. But bleh, I think I’m done with that.

Don’t you ever reach that phase when you tell yourself, it’s time to grow up. These things that I’ve considered very very important don’t really matter in the real world. I speak as if I’ve been out there, when truthfully, I also feel that I’m still inside this comfort bubble that’s already perforated with little pockets of enlightenment from the rest of the world.

What I’m trying to say is that winter is coming.



 

So far, the khaleesi's my favorite. Only because she's got a really cool dragon! 

Yes, I’ve just joined the crazy bandwagon of Game Of Thrones and good Lord, is this show addicting. I feel like such a poser for starting to watch so late. But anyway, I just have to finish the season tonight. This cannot wait. But I digress on my interpretation of that whole clause, winter is coming.

From what I’ve absorbed from the episodes, it’s almost similar to saying that something bad is going to happen and you just know it. Maybe like, winter = danger? I might be jumping ahead of myself, but i think there’s some sense into what I’m saying. I’ve always associated winter or the rainy season (if you’d relate it to the tropical context of this country) to the sad and gloomy days. We’ve studied in psychology how this kind of weather really gets people down. We’d call it the seasonal depression, referring mainly to the winter or rainy season. It was studied that during this phase, more people would commit suicide or would have greater episodes of depression or anything in line with sadness and misery. So if I try to correlate this nice-to-know fact with that infamous episode title of Game Of Thrones, I’d say winter -> grimness -> emotional outbursts (e.g. anger, trouble, revenge). But this is just me freewriting and trying to make sense of what I’ve just watched.

And yes, I can really feel winter coming in the last few days of this semester. So God help me.