Tuesday, December 6, 2011

On Marriage and Getting There

Remember how in high school (or even college), girls would incessantly talk about their incoming debuts? Somehow, it has always been the event that most girls would look forward to during that time. But as soon as people graduate or reach their 20’s, what’s next in line to every person’s milestone would be marriage. I’m skipping graduation and job only because I’m not sure if these things count as milestones.

So marriage.

Somehow, the topic of marriage finds its way in the conversations I’ve had with college friends or high school friends. And the favorite subtopic under this huge umbrella is the question, “who will get married among us first?” My friends and I would give names of people whom we think would get married before everyone else did. So far, none of my blockmates and high school friends have tied the knot. This is largely due to the fact that most of us are in our early 20’s that you’d have to be crazy in love to get married at 21 or 22. And I just can’t imagine how my friends would go through that transition from being friends to boyfriends/girlfriends to husbands/wives. Husband and wife seem like really big and foreign words to me. But this streak has ended when one of my classmates in med school just got married last weekend.
One thing I realize from my classmate’s wedding was that it really feels different when it’s someone you know who gets married, when it’s someone who is, more or less, going through the same stress of med school as you, and when it’s someone you see in class everyday. I mean, I’m not particularly close to this classmate, he probably wouldn’t count me as a friend, but nonetheless, the fact remains that we are classmates and so, the connection stays. And the point here is, there really is no turning back. Marriage is a fact.

I mean, all of us are really getting older and in one way or another, we’d all have to face this reality of having to live with another person for the rest of our lives. And I’m not quite sure about how I feel regarding marriage. It’s there alright, and every girl dreams of a Jason Magbanua wedding video, but to be honest, I’m not particularly excited about it, about the idea of weddings or marriage per se.

I do get gushy and teary-eyed when watching wedding videos and listening to other people’s love stories, but the thing is, I was never the affectionate girl and being so made me turn off thoughts about my own wedding plans. Maybe it’s because I haven’t really found anyone who would take up that position of the man I’ll be with forever. I guess that’s probably the main reason why marriage still seems sooo far away from me.  

But at the same time, a part of me is really scared that I won’t get married…ever. I can’t be a spinster. L I love the idea of an independent and free life alone, but not for the rest of my life. Living alone, eating alone, watching movies alone and having fun alone have their fun days, but to do these things alone forever is just unbearable. Don’t get me wrong, I admire the single ladies who have reached their golden years and have remained happy, but I’m just not that kind of person who would want to rely only on herself forever.

Okay, so maybe I’m more of scared of not getting married. It’s not really about being apathetic about it, but more of the fear that it might never happen for me. *Knocks really hard on wood*

So here’s to hoping for the right man to meet, marry and have kids with in God’s perfect time!

P.S. Please come before I reach 29 :-s

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